Trust only yourself and no one else.. Sad truth! 

No no no, I am not being nice to anyone! I don’t want to either, I have had it enough! I am to sly about everything. I hate being the way I am, too nice to the people who are just strangers. So I guess you all can guess I had such a big big horrible day! My day has been everything else but pleasant, and this time it was not the customers who caused it but my supposedly superior who just shocked me off, blew me out and trampled on my already soft heart! 

What I think of people is exactly not what people turned out to be and time and again I have been hurt, messed with and destroyed and yet I still try to be nice to all those fuckers who deserve nothing but a cold face! 

So my day, he ruined it, saw me cry, made me despair, n had the joy watching me wilt out like a old flower, he told me I have no choice but to leave, of course I did not want that for me, as I was really looking forward to the new job in the new campaign and I’m still there asking for a option they could give me. And the reasons they give out, because my attendance is not great as I have got a sick daughter at home. And how are the rest of them able to manage? God knows! Simple reasons that can really be manipulated with and cause eruptions. Honestly I am so over it now after having it for one whole long day. I’m just going to start over again. I need to. I can’t do this anymore. If they can give me what I requested I more than happy and willing to work hard and move on and if not I am just going to have to leave. I have had it enough. I don’t want to cause myself a mental illness through something which isn’t even my fault. Because not everyone is perfect and no one can be either, we all have problems in our lives and there are huge mountains to cross and break through. I won’t let something so minor effect my life and destroy it! I am going to set it right and never go wrong with my beliefs. 

Trust only yourself and no one else.. Sad truth! 

No no no, I am not being nice to anyone! I don’t want to either, I have had it enough! I am to sly about everything. I hate being the way I am, too nice to the people who are just strangers. So I guess you all can guess I had such a big big horrible day! My day has been everything else but pleasant, and this time it was not the customers who caused it but my supposedly superior who just shocked me off, blew me out and trampled on my already soft heart! 

What I think of people is exactly not what people turned out to be and time and again I have been hurt, messed with and destroyed and yet I still try to be nice to all those fuckers who deserve nothing but a cold face! 

So my day, he ruined it, saw me cry, made me despair, n had the joy watching me wilt out like a old flower, he told me I have no choice but to leave, of course I did not want that for me, as I was really looking forward to the new job in the new campaign and I’m still there asking for a option they could give me. And the reasons they give out, because my attendance is not great as I have got a sick daughter at home. And how are the rest of them able to manage? God knows! Simple reasons that can really be manipulated with and cause eruptions. Honestly I am so over it now after having it for one whole long day. I’m just going to start over again. I need to. I can’t do this anymore. If they can give me what I requested I more than happy and willing to work hard and move on and if not I am just going to have to leave. I have had it enough. I don’t want to cause myself a mental illness through something which isn’t even my fault. Because not everyone is perfect and no one can be either, we all have problems in our lives and there are huge mountains to cross and break through. I won’t let something so minor effect my life and destroy it! I am going to set it right and never go wrong with my beliefs. 

Should I stay or should I go? 

Hey Readers, yet another opportunity to write and share my thoughts as I move toward home base on an underground metro for another agonizing 30 minutes. Ok let’s put it this way, my day was great until I had to leave my little princess to go to work on a late shift which ends at 10pm 😦 I simply hate it! Otherwise my day has been amazing! I had my daughter to me the whole day like before, I miss those good old times and though I cringe and wish for them to come back forever I know it never is going to be that way ever again but today was one of those days I love. I spent ample amount of time with my daughter, managed to take her by bus and metro without having to use a trolley and gosh the excitement she had in her eyes, those are the moments I love to capture into my soul for the rest of my life, she has grown so big, she is going to be two years in two months time and damn the time passed so quickly I hardly ever realized she does everything I once wished 🙂 I know I am a bit of a happy mother though I don’t try to talk about it too much these days. 

Anyway, my job has been great so far but (there is always a but in a job) 😉 don’t tell me I am not right. So yeah, the but that is bothering me and has become a pain in the downside is that I am really unable to do the shifts that I carry right now. Giving me less and no time to actually spend it on my self and my family. Being a family person I prefer to have a job where I don’t have to give in all my 200% effort and make time for my family as that is an important aspect of life. You can loose a job and find one but where on earth am I going to get a new family! Nah right? So I spoke to my manager , almost in tears , darn did I had to show my emotional side to my cute looking boss, to whom I stumble a lot when I speak to him, oh man the eye contact has been bit of a concern now, I try not to lower my eyes to his eyes when I speak to him, wonder if that is because I think he is cute or because he is my boss! Lol, never mind! I will never figure that one out! So yeah back to the point I made, I asked him for a part time and it was all agreed THREE weeks ago that he would let me start with a new campaign in a week and now it has been three weeks and I am still doing the same thing which I dislike. Honestly, I am not sure if I can handle it one more week, I am going to be patient and wait till the month ends and then ask him one last time before I make that final move. So now, should I stay or should I go? Is what I ask myself everyday when I leave to office each day ! 

I love the job and hope they give me what I want so I can do my part and get this moved with! 

Alright peeps! Thanks for stopping by and reading yet another miserable day’s story. Until next time! 

Happy reading! 

My first letter to my daughter! 

I always wanted to start writing to you. To buy a box and write letters and store them in the cabinet so when you turn 16 I could let you read all of them. I wanted to start writing to you on your first birthday. But hey there is never a auspicious time! 

You have turned 20 months already! How time flies away! It seemed like just yesterday when you were born and how I held you in my arms for a long long time. I still recall the fresh smell from your newborn skin. You were so tiny. 

Now that you are 20 months, I am no longer able to hold you like I once did because you are all grown up. You are a toddler and with no comparison to any. Every time you take a new leap in your growth I am the most happiest! There were times when I wanted you to walk, eat, talk and now you do all of that with such perfection. I enjoy you with all my heart. You are the most loved in my life. 

You are my life changing experience. How I love you so unconditionally without having to think twice. How au naturale! I enjoy every bit of time I spend with you. Playing with your toys, taking you to park, seeing you communicate in your baby language to the other kids, how you say hello to every passer by while we do our evening strolls, how you enjoy our food time, bathing is always fun? Isn’t it? And the after bath is the like having to catch you while you run away, or either try eating your bum cream, or licking your hands off the body lotion! And dressing up is like dressing a doll. I take immense pleasure in dressing you and the moment you run to the mirror to have a look at how you look. And pull out your tied rubber bands from your hair so I gotta redo it all over again! You are such a wonderful little girl. Still my adorable little girl and no one can ever change that! Forever! 

There are still so many new experiences that will come your way. New challenges that you would face! And I’m here with you, to walk hand in hand. To help you achieve your goals further, to lift you up when you fall, to laugh with you when your happy and make you stay strong in your sorrows. I will always be your guardian angel. Guiding you, helping you, showing you the light! 

Always remember mommy loves you the most and will do anything to see you brighten up! Looking forward to a very long journey in our life!

Stay blessed my darling daughter! 

Meeting the love of my life, my DAD, after 25 years……

It has been 23 years since we left you, I can hardly remember your face. I was 2 years when mom held me in her hand and my sister (months baby) in her arms and fled from the home which is supposed to be ours. we grew up hearing from my mother not to meet you ever again, I grew up without you being there to hold my hand when i would fall, I grew up without you being there when I first has my period, when I first had a crush, when I fell in love, when I graduated from school, when I first took a plane, when I had a job for the first time. You were never there when I wanted to cry holding on to your arms. you were never there when all the other kids had both their parents on parents meet, or graduations. I grew up in pain because you were there far far away, away from me, away from everything you would see of me and be proud of me and for everything else which isn’t right to be there and guide me. I had to lie to the world that you were dead, not literally but I accepted in my heart that I would never see you again. Would never know how you would look when you grow old. I am now a parent myself, and have a daughter, I can never imagine how it would be without being a part of her. I missed you as a parent, the alpha parent. the guider, adviser, the care-taker, the first love, and my king. I grew up to the saying to another man I would be a queen but to my father, I would always be his princess. Even Gods didn’t want our meet to happen, I travelled around the world, made several of my own decisions,but deep down i always wished I had someone like you to be there for me always. Since I haven’t met you in such a long time i always imagined how it would be when I see you. I thought of you to be kind and gentle. respectful, loving and have all the best qualities of a dad. Because after hearing all the bullshit i grew up with from my mothers parents, I did not believe it in my heart but i lived with the bitter sadness that was it really the man that they mention as the monster, my dad? I recollect a incident at school, when i shared about you to whom i thought of to be my best friend, that you were still alive, she shared it with others, and they all mocked at me saying I am a fatherless girl having a father. There are several such moments in my life that left me feeling bitter. but you know, I never gave up on you, like you never did. In your heart, I heard from a relative, that your daughter, that is me, would come and meet you one day and be with you and share all the pain and joy that we couldn’t for those damned 23 years. and they say dreams can come true, the day I met you, so unexpectedly, thanks to my partner for persuading me to meet you, I was not convinced at the beginning but then after listening to my heart several times, I decided I will meet you, after all, I am a part of you as you are to me. I loved you Dad all my life, even those countless days and outnumbered times I haven’t been with you. The day finally arrived, after 23 effin years, that late afternoon, I did surprise you right? din’t I? I am sure you were excited. I was, trust me. My heart pounded when I saw you in a far distance, and when i came to you, held your hands in my mine from that moment, I knew I was never alone in my thoughts. The joyful tears i shed i will never forget. I was the happiest that day. I had several mixed feelings. Even words cannot explain what I felt that day. so many unanswered questions, so much to talk and share. and many more. but I knew this wasn’t the only day, as from now on you will always be there for me and I for you. I am so thankful to the Almighty to answer your prayers and bond us into that unbreakable love we always had. Now we cannot be divided or separated. we are one and always will be. I love you, Dad. I will forever.