Trust only yourself and no one else.. Sad truth! 

No no no, I am not being nice to anyone! I don’t want to either, I have had it enough! I am to sly about everything. I hate being the way I am, too nice to the people who are just strangers. So I guess you all can guess I had such a big big horrible day! My day has been everything else but pleasant, and this time it was not the customers who caused it but my supposedly superior who just shocked me off, blew me out and trampled on my already soft heart! 

What I think of people is exactly not what people turned out to be and time and again I have been hurt, messed with and destroyed and yet I still try to be nice to all those fuckers who deserve nothing but a cold face! 

So my day, he ruined it, saw me cry, made me despair, n had the joy watching me wilt out like a old flower, he told me I have no choice but to leave, of course I did not want that for me, as I was really looking forward to the new job in the new campaign and I’m still there asking for a option they could give me. And the reasons they give out, because my attendance is not great as I have got a sick daughter at home. And how are the rest of them able to manage? God knows! Simple reasons that can really be manipulated with and cause eruptions. Honestly I am so over it now after having it for one whole long day. I’m just going to start over again. I need to. I can’t do this anymore. If they can give me what I requested I more than happy and willing to work hard and move on and if not I am just going to have to leave. I have had it enough. I don’t want to cause myself a mental illness through something which isn’t even my fault. Because not everyone is perfect and no one can be either, we all have problems in our lives and there are huge mountains to cross and break through. I won’t let something so minor effect my life and destroy it! I am going to set it right and never go wrong with my beliefs. 

Trust only yourself and no one else.. Sad truth! 

No no no, I am not being nice to anyone! I don’t want to either, I have had it enough! I am to sly about everything. I hate being the way I am, too nice to the people who are just strangers. So I guess you all can guess I had such a big big horrible day! My day has been everything else but pleasant, and this time it was not the customers who caused it but my supposedly superior who just shocked me off, blew me out and trampled on my already soft heart! 

What I think of people is exactly not what people turned out to be and time and again I have been hurt, messed with and destroyed and yet I still try to be nice to all those fuckers who deserve nothing but a cold face! 

So my day, he ruined it, saw me cry, made me despair, n had the joy watching me wilt out like a old flower, he told me I have no choice but to leave, of course I did not want that for me, as I was really looking forward to the new job in the new campaign and I’m still there asking for a option they could give me. And the reasons they give out, because my attendance is not great as I have got a sick daughter at home. And how are the rest of them able to manage? God knows! Simple reasons that can really be manipulated with and cause eruptions. Honestly I am so over it now after having it for one whole long day. I’m just going to start over again. I need to. I can’t do this anymore. If they can give me what I requested I more than happy and willing to work hard and move on and if not I am just going to have to leave. I have had it enough. I don’t want to cause myself a mental illness through something which isn’t even my fault. Because not everyone is perfect and no one can be either, we all have problems in our lives and there are huge mountains to cross and break through. I won’t let something so minor effect my life and destroy it! I am going to set it right and never go wrong with my beliefs. 

Awe on the Eve

Tomorrow is my 27th birthday! And I am here sitting in the forested park alone, trying to fight back those tears from falling so the passer bys won’t find me awkward. I cried for a full ten minutes and realised my tears would not come out anymore. All I have is grief, pain and some terrible accusations from my partner. Sitting here clock ticking to 9:30pm and mosquitoes biting the shit of me, I am thinking if really I am what my partner accused of me to be? If I am, how come I am not cold hearted, how come I can’t hold back those tears, then why do I feel the pain? I must have done something wrong to feel so miserable. Usually when there is a fight, I know I cannot control my temper and blurt out few unnecessary things I don’t mean! But to my awe does my partner also blurt out stuff he does not mean? Like I am not a good mother? I have been living the life of a motherhood leaving all the other fantasies behind for the past 19 months without close family near by nor any friends whom I can make a family from! Just me and my soul to whom I can ask questions to when I get frustrated and sad. My life isn’t all what I just described, there are days I am so content with my whole life especially raising my daughter whom I love the most. She has become my only strength when I fall. I have been 15 minutes away from her and my curiosity level has build to a level where I just want to go be beside her while she sleeps peacefully as the night grows. I am so upset that today is when I am supposed to be celebrating the day may be sipping on wine, having a date night with my love, having a fun day with my baby! But I guess all those birthday desires are not relevant anymore. I hate being in the dark, but I feel I got no one else to whom I can share this pain to. No one I put put my shoulder on and cry my grief out. Life has been really unfair! Should I begin a new chapter? Should I leave all this behind and find a true salvation? Leave the pain and find happiness? But where should I begin and how should I ? I wish I had a manual to my life to make it easy.