Love that never was mine

love at first sight! Does it ever happen? Yes, it did to me! It happened back in year 2011, when I first saw you walk into the roof top terrace for a bbq party in the fabulous house front of a huge water filled ocean! I cudnt stop my eyes coming back at you. I still can’t explain what is the reason behind our meet. But it was worth it! Though I could never make you mine! I grieve, only if things what we want could automatically be ours not for a day, for a week, or for a year but forever mine! The day after the part when we first locked our eyes, the time I actually caught you look at me, that is my only heart secret, only for me! Then, I had to with no choice left live in your apartment for a month.i felt like I was dreaming! I want to thank you with all my heart, for being there until the very end. Even though as friends because each time I see you even just a photo makes my heart skip a beat even now. This very moment I’m writing about you. Just you in my thoughts make me happy! 

The one month I shared your apartment with you, I was overwhelmed, by everything! Because I was in love with you! I love to describe you as exactly a man I wanted!! I felt of you to be perfect for me, your gentleness, your braveness, your jokes , your tone, your personality. Made me fall hard into your love. I mean come on who wouldn’t, you were just fabulous inside out. Like God was in good moods while creating you. Ha, if that came out like a description of a girl no I do not mean you to be beautiful but beautiful inside. You are anyway handsome outside, those long dark streaks, which I never got to caress, those Strong hands which I never got to hold, that manly chest which I never got to lie on, that breath of yours which I never got to breath! Oh how I longed but I guess we were never meant to be. 

I still remember the days when we cooked together, your French salads, (Ofcourse you being French! ) , our funny conversations, and what I cherished the most was lying next of you. Just few inches away from you for a whole month. You know how it made me shiver. Because I couldn’t handle not being so close to you yet so far apart. I still remember the way you smelled, sorry but I secretly smelt your clothes when you were out several times. You must be thinking of me to be weird but I just wanted to live this moment forever atleast within me. There was one night when you accidentally touched my hand. And I felt my heart throb. I loved you, i still do inspite our two separate lives. 

When my one month of living in fantasy was about to be over, I was sad I would never meet you again and feel so close but then as days went by you called me and wanted to move in to my apartment. I am sorry I never understood you. You were again there in front of my eyes but I was with someone else. It must have made you uncomfortable, it did to me too. That’s why even I left all those someone else’s I could never leave you. You haunt me in my thoughts all the time. 

I still remember the last coffee we shared together. The last hug you gave me before it was the final good bye.thats when I knew I could never see you again. It made me sad. I felt terrible for weeks but life moved on. But I didnot forget your warmth ness from the very last hug I received from you. I still remember how much I used to speak about you to my best friend then! They must have gotten bored but she knew I loved you a lot. And today, I have none to share this feeling with and not even you so I am writing it here. 

My life moved on as yours! We live in the same continent, few miles away, you in your world which I no nothing of and I’m in mine,a mother to a child now, but here I am admitting my love to the world of how much I loved you. I felt broken when you posted yourself with your new girlfriend, she is beautiful and I always wished why wasn’t that girl me. Then I wondered, whatever happens, happens for a reason. But no matter what, this is my promise to you. I will always love you in my thoughts and remember you even when I’m old, though we were never meant to be. 

  • In loving fondness of Louis! 

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