The despair of loosing something valuable

Yesterday my in laws visited us from their home town which holds one of the popular international film festival every summer, the city is called Karlovy Vary. Since they came to our place after a long time I decided to cook some authentic Indian food and ended up making chicken korma (not spicy) and Parathas (Indian flat bread) While kneading the dough for Parathas, I realised the diamond stone from my engagement ring went missing. Initially I thought it must have slipped into the dough so I pressed the dough to check for it but alas after all the lookout I couldn’t find it.

I felt sudden sadness like I wanted to cry but that would make me look stupid. I thought it must have fell into the sink while I was washing my hands or may be while drying the washed clothes, so many other thoughts. But I knew in my heart I will never be able to find such a minikin of a thing barely a carat. My heart really sunk not because it was a diamond stone but because I had so many attachments with it. I was emotionally bonded with my engagement ring. I was glad at least my ring did not fall off my finger.

I kept telling my self, it was just a stone and it’s a materialistic thing. There are even lot worse things happening to people around me. I learnt yesterday that a dear friend’s, colleague’s husband passed away at Croatia. While swimming he had an heart attack. And the saddest part was the wife was in Czech Republic and they dint even get to say goodbye to each other in the end. It must have been miserable. Loosing something or someone so emotionally attached to you can wreck you inside your heart. Alas all things one day come to an end. Life is a journey you can never predict what’s going to come. Just take your day as it comes either be it sorrow or happiness. Without both life is not worth living and which why it is called living life.

The noisy Pub on quiet street of Ceska Ulice

From my experience of living in Czech Republic, I thought the noisiest places were only the markets and some really old popular pubs with drunk men laughing about silly jokes. Unlike the city life in Prague where you can hear the hustle bustle of late night clubs, coffee houses opened with young crowd chattering away about how their day went, pubs with lots of entertainment, I live in a near by town to the city of red roofs Prague, called Beroun. Here one can hear noise only on a Saturday morning at the square market otherwise the place is dead like a graveyard let it be morning, noon or night. One can never see any kind of entertainment which is what I thought initially because all the coffee houses shut down by 6 pm and there are quiet restaurants which close by 10pm latest.

So, today I walk down a quiet street as I have named it in my title. As usual all the main shops were shut down. The clock was just ticking 8pm and there is hardly one or two people walking around the square as I walk past. It was still getting dark as I live in the North Pole the sun sets late. It was dusk. Anyway I reached this pub called Bernard. I still recall, just before I opened the door to Bernard it was quiet, peaceful, the moment I opened the door, and walked down a narrow corridor I heard the voices getting louder, laughter, chattering, clanking of glasses, smell of Klobasy a popular Czech sausage.

The first thought in my head was wow we entered the right place. I was excited that this small quiet town could have so much noise filled. And beer being the cheapest drink in the country even compared to water, to top it up, the owner of Bernard had his birthday and offered the beer which is already cheap to a whooping 50 percent discount. My jaw dropped a beer which is sold for a dollar is now half a dollar. I am sure all the beer lovers would have a ball of a time.

I was happy enjoying the surrounding which I have never seen before but only until my thoughts switched back to home as my daughter awaits for me to come back to her to tuck her away in her warm bed. So hand in hand I walked back with my beloved husband back to my house from the very noisy pub down that quiet street to our sweet warm home on an early autumn!

I was once called underprivileged

Writing this post brings back a painful memory of mine from the past. Aren’t we all humans? Aren’t we all made up of the same stuff as they say from stardust? Then why are few called privileged and few underprivileged?

I was 15 years studying at a boarding school on my final high school year when I was called into my head mistress office because I wrote a “love” letter to a boy? Back then it was strictly forbidden and against our school rules.

As I walked into her room, she began saying to me “Did you even know you are underprivileged child”? And I was like with my obvious answer NO. Then she later explained to me that because I was having a free educating as I belong to a teachers daughter which is why I am known as a underprivileged child and that’s what the school recognises me to be. Ha, talking about studying in schools of India no matter how good the education maybe.

I would be lying if I say I did not live with that until I got my own wings to fly by which I mean I started to work and live independently. I grew up to be shy and not at all confident. Until I came to a realisation that everyone is equal and Everyone is the same. I stand by my word and support those who feel that they are not privileged.

We all live in this world for a purpose to serve and death is the only thing which makes us free from the materialistic life that we live in. Not only did I get accusation from the outsiders but also because when living in a place such as India where being fair complexion is considered a better choice it made especially the darker complexioned girls, opted out from everything. Which I mean that I am relatively darker complexioned

as I come from the Dravidian side of the Indian world.

So I was always put down by elders and the people that surrounded me in every walk of life but only until I voiced up for myself. Recently when I was flying back to Prague where I live now currently I was asked by a fellow Indian Man that how come my husband who is “white” man accepted me as I am so dark. I felt like getting up from my seat and punching his face and tell him to wake up from the rotten head he has. But I politely told him look here gentle man, I may be dark complexioned but I have a heart which is fairer compared to yours so I guess that’s why my white husband married me! Lol I was literally laughing inside me how many people in this world yet discriminate others and put is low. It’s disgusting. That’s the right word for the bunch of assholes, pardon my French, who think like this even in 21st century that we live in.

But people who are reading this post, please do not put any human down. We all are one and will remain such no matter the color, creed, race, or country. We are one and we need to support each other as humans not become aliens. To end the post, no one is underprivileged as every one is equal.

Amazed by a supermarket cashier

I went for the usual grocery shopping which is my daily add on ritual list and since in Czech Republic or correct me if this happens everywhere else too, when you visit a supermarket, you pick your stuff (like duh) what you want to buy, and hit the payment counter, and its a custom in Czech republic to greet everyone (including strangers at times) with Dobry Den (in translation Hello).Living here for almost 2 years and having to say it in Czech has become an automatic robotic voice in my head which comes out immediately at such occurred situations. though there are some down sides while visiting the supermarkets, where , when you go for paying for the items you have picked up, you need to hand over the cash, collect your things into a carry bag and clear the counter before the cashier starts throwing the items the next customer purchased onto the counter which is rather quiet a trick in collecting your purchased goods and i believe i have very well mastered it while living here. though it has to happen in few seconds before the next customers items come swooping down at your items still lying on the counter if you aren’t as quick as you are supposed to be unless you have very less purchase but however this time, I am particularly amazed by the counter girl today when she smiled and greeted me with a Hello (in English) rather than in Czech. and bingo! it made me somehow smile in a pleasant way. since i do not hear it often so, I grabbed the entire opportunity and told her a bye on my way out to which she replied back a bye too. 

It may sound mere to a Czech person but for a foreigner it definitely made my day.I wish more of such occurrences happen often while i live my life here at Czech. 

Signs of the winter

The day started normal like just another day. My partner left to office just as usual and my daughter woke up and had breakfast and played for a bit and took her nap. I started my daily home chores. Nothing different occurred until I opened the balcony door to have a smoke and there I felt cool air giving me the chills. The sunny weather we had last week was all gone, dark clouds took over the sky. It felt grey like the winter is knocking at our doors earlier than it’s supposed to come. Giving me a strange feeling, a feeling of soreness and sadness. Oh winter just don’t come too early.. I want to enjoy my autumn.

Empty soul talking.

How does it feel to have a lifestyle where you are living with a partner whom your not married to but having an child who is 9 months old, where in this partner who is your love is battling with divorce for 2 years and having 2 kids? And having to see your partner communicate to his ex in a submissive way as he is afraid to loose his children? Where the ex takes control of his past, present and future? And because of whom you are unable to get married to the person who you think is your only world and where your life revolves around his doings?

Can love alone be enough to strongly hold this almost getting broken relationship? As much as you know in your heart he is loyal to only you and how much you both love each other, is that enough at all? But then why does it hurt? The very thought or being physically present in a situation where your love is speaking to his ex in front of you whilst you wait in the car hurt so much? Is it because you are possessive towards your love? Or is it because you love him too much your afraid he might let go off you! Why do you have a feeling of insecurity when you know he loves you a lot to keep you safe?

Why aren’t you able to find answers to any of these questions? Can your soul answer these questions to you? Can you find them hidden deep within your mind? You cannot sleep! Your mind filled with the thoughts of loneliness. Having so much to speak and you are unable to speak it out! Your souls cries out for comfort! Who should it go to for a safe shoulder? Should you go back to your love inspite everything that’s been going on?

I wish there are answers to each and every question that arises inside me for every thing that is going on in my life. I want to have the same feeling that an empty cup receives when wine is poured until it’s brim. The feeling of satisfaction. The feeling of being loved without prejudices. The feeling to have some one by your side unconditionally no matter what the situation might be.

I just want to be loved purely.